You Should Just Enjoy It

The most common comment that I get these days from various sources is that I should 'just enjoy this time with my baby'.Hmmm...Yes I should at least try to enjoy these early weeks with the little guy. I know that these days are slipping by quickly & that before I know it Christopher will be going off to preschool and these special days will be lost forever.

The deal though is that these 'special' days & weeks are coloured by a complete lack of sleep, utter exhaustion actually. It's this exhaustion that makes it very difficult to enjoy much of anything, let alone all the moments I have with Christopher. For a day or two I was feeling guilty about this lack of enjoyment for motherhood. Not anymore. I now understand that my feelings of frustration are completely normal, this is not a reflection of my ability or my dedication to being a great mom.

The days after Christopher (and thus me) sleeps well I LOVE being with him. Who wouldn't love looking into his beautiful, smiling face! On that note, Christopher is starting to develop a few little tricks. He can hold his head up for short periods of time, when he is on his tummy he can lift his head up & do little, tiny push-ups...too cute! And blissfully, Christopher is starting to smile for the sake of smiling rather than due to passing gas! Not to mention that last night he slept for 3 hours at a time! This is real progress!

Fingers crossed that we continue to progress in the sleep department! I am very much looking forward to days when Christopher is a little more interactive & responsive to the various things around him...I am much better when the conversation is not just one sided!

Dinner Out...

I now realize all of the little things that I used to take for granted...in no particular order:

1. Dinner out - at friends or a restaurant. We used to go to restaurants a lot. I look forward to all of the money we'll save!

2. A nice big glass of wine. A small glass of scotch or maybe a Manhattan.

3. Leisurely mornings with the news, a cup of coffee & the duvet pulled up high.

4. Last minute plans, for anything.

5. Quiet time with Michael. Snuggling in bed for hours.

6. Going to see a movie.

7. My breasts belonging to me.

8. Time to procrastinate all those little projects.

9. Quiet time to myself.

10. Reading anything not related to babies.

Sure, there are likely many more but these are top of mind today.

I know that as Christopher grows and starts to develop/show his personality that I will discover new things that will bring great pleasure & will fall into the "taken for granted" category. I look forward to it and to sharing that list with you too!

Grandparents Make A Difference

Grandpa spent the day with us today.

You know, I really did not understand the role grandparents can play in your and your child's life until I saw my dad with my son today. He was great & really all he did was cuddle and coo at the little guy but wow, it sure made a difference for me and my mental health, not to mention that Christopher was basking in the love being showered upon him.

I really enjoyed listening to my dad talk to Christopher all day...little private conversations, cooing and general baby talk. Really I had no idea how good my dad could be with a baby! He is also quite a wealth of information about calming a fussy baby & burping! Both topics that we've struggled with for the past few days.

Suffice to say that I'm thrilled that grandpa is eager to come over at least one day a week to hang with Christopher and me!

See you next week dad!
Can't wait for Oma to get here on the 8th...two whole weeks of grandparent help!

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back?

It's really very confounding. One night is great, the next day is a disaster. I guess I am still trying to cling to some semblance of routine and, well, newborns just are not wired that way.

Growth spurt day today...I wonder how long it will last for this time. He's been on the boobie every hour all day. The girls are about to go on strike because of it. The real drag? I have not been able to pump today because the little leach has been attached to me most of the day.

Serious nap time after dinner - it's only the second time that we've ordered in since coming home from the hospital. Not bad really - we ate take-out and in restaurants way more than that be fore Christopher.

It's a bit of a ramble but that's how I feel today.

Adjusting

Christopher will be 3 weeks old tomorrow.

It's been 3 weeks of adjustment for all of us. He's new to the whole world, I'm new to mommydom & how utterly dependant he is on me and Michael is figuring out his role in all of this as well.

When I decided that I wanted to have a child, I forgot that that meant that I would become a 'mom' & really had not a clue of what that role change would truly entail. Frankly, I did not believe what my 'mom' friends said about being a mom. And being the egoist that I am, I assumed that regardless of anyone else's experience, that I would be able to do 'it' better & with the usual ease that I take on new projects and roles.

Ha! How wrong I was! I realize that it's only been 3 weeks and that all of my thoughts & emotions are coloured by lack of sleep (mind you, we did get 4 hours straight last night!), raging horomones and not least of all a slight idenity crisis but this new role is the hardest thing I have ever done. Really. Becoming a mom is not a project, it's a life change.

So what makes it so hard? It's not the tasks themselves...breast feeding, changing diapers & onesies, doing laundry, cuddling baby are all relatively easy things to do. It's hard because it's so unpredictable. For example, you change one diaper, he pees all over himself while you're doing that and now you've got to change the onesie...you run upstairs with the naked little dude, get him into a clean, dry onesie and whoops, now he's puked all over the new one. You get that one changed and guess what, now he needs to be fed...out comes the boob for 20 or 30 minutes, change the diaper again, pray that when he spits up that he misses himself and gets it on the burpy towel...nope he's puked all over you, now you have to get changed...you get the picture.

I now understand why it takes parents 2 hours to get ready to go out for 2 hour excursion! You know, this is not 'hard' at all. It's simply exhausting - you are not in control, your time is no longer yours, you are at the complete mercy of the little dude. For me, a true type 'A' personality it's the lack of control that is hard.

Don't get me wrong, I am totally in love with the little dude. I am however looking forward to the days when he is more than just a breast suckling, diaper dirtying, sleeping, crying machine - there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Christopher is 3 weeks old tomorrow. That means that we're half way through the roughest of the adjustment period...my reward? Christopher is starting focus on my face when he looks at me & he is often smiling when he does look at me, that just melts my heart.

Light at The End of The Tunnel?

It's been 3 nights now that mr night time / fussy time has actually slept somewhat decently; solid 2 to 3 hour stretches, last night he even did this in his bassinet. Ahh...I take solace in the smallest victories!

Thanks to those of you who offered words of wisdom and encouragement. Just knowing that virtually every parent - specifically new mom, out there has been through this same (more or less) experience really made a difference for me. Taking a 3 hour nap after dinner while Christopher gets in some quality daddy time has also made a world of difference too!

We'll see what today brings.

How Little Sleep Can You Function On?

Sleep. A commodity that is in high demand & little supply around this house these days.

The thought of 8 hours of sound, uninterrupted sleep consumes me; really it's all I think about. How can I get more sleep?

One solution we've come up with is to have Christopher sleep with me, generally on the boob at first and then just snuggled up to me. I am sure that he is getting a great sleep! Me, not so much.

Yes, I am no longer getting up 4 or 5 times a night. I am actually dosing off and on for a straight 5 or 6 hours but it's not that good quality, deep sleep that my body is craving! It also means that Michael has moved to the extra bedroom...lucky guy. Eight hours, uninterrupted in a cool & dark room. The other hurdle is that I am terrified that I might roll over on Christopher or pull the duvet up too high and smother the poor little guy!

For now, I am functioning on perhaps 3 or 4 hours of sleep a day. We'll see how long that will last for. Hopefully the little guy will start to sleep in his own bassinet soon - we'll try another little trick tonight. To get him down for a nap today, I warmed his blanket in the dryer! Seems to have worked like a charm!

Fingers crossed.