Dinner Out...

I now realize all of the little things that I used to take for granted...in no particular order:

1. Dinner out - at friends or a restaurant. We used to go to restaurants a lot. I look forward to all of the money we'll save!

2. A nice big glass of wine. A small glass of scotch or maybe a Manhattan.

3. Leisurely mornings with the news, a cup of coffee & the duvet pulled up high.

4. Last minute plans, for anything.

5. Quiet time with Michael. Snuggling in bed for hours.

6. Going to see a movie.

7. My breasts belonging to me.

8. Time to procrastinate all those little projects.

9. Quiet time to myself.

10. Reading anything not related to babies.

Sure, there are likely many more but these are top of mind today.

I know that as Christopher grows and starts to develop/show his personality that I will discover new things that will bring great pleasure & will fall into the "taken for granted" category. I look forward to it and to sharing that list with you too!

Grandparents Make A Difference

Grandpa spent the day with us today.

You know, I really did not understand the role grandparents can play in your and your child's life until I saw my dad with my son today. He was great & really all he did was cuddle and coo at the little guy but wow, it sure made a difference for me and my mental health, not to mention that Christopher was basking in the love being showered upon him.

I really enjoyed listening to my dad talk to Christopher all day...little private conversations, cooing and general baby talk. Really I had no idea how good my dad could be with a baby! He is also quite a wealth of information about calming a fussy baby & burping! Both topics that we've struggled with for the past few days.

Suffice to say that I'm thrilled that grandpa is eager to come over at least one day a week to hang with Christopher and me!

See you next week dad!
Can't wait for Oma to get here on the 8th...two whole weeks of grandparent help!

2 Steps Forward, 1 Step Back?

It's really very confounding. One night is great, the next day is a disaster. I guess I am still trying to cling to some semblance of routine and, well, newborns just are not wired that way.

Growth spurt day today...I wonder how long it will last for this time. He's been on the boobie every hour all day. The girls are about to go on strike because of it. The real drag? I have not been able to pump today because the little leach has been attached to me most of the day.

Serious nap time after dinner - it's only the second time that we've ordered in since coming home from the hospital. Not bad really - we ate take-out and in restaurants way more than that be fore Christopher.

It's a bit of a ramble but that's how I feel today.

Adjusting

Christopher will be 3 weeks old tomorrow.

It's been 3 weeks of adjustment for all of us. He's new to the whole world, I'm new to mommydom & how utterly dependant he is on me and Michael is figuring out his role in all of this as well.

When I decided that I wanted to have a child, I forgot that that meant that I would become a 'mom' & really had not a clue of what that role change would truly entail. Frankly, I did not believe what my 'mom' friends said about being a mom. And being the egoist that I am, I assumed that regardless of anyone else's experience, that I would be able to do 'it' better & with the usual ease that I take on new projects and roles.

Ha! How wrong I was! I realize that it's only been 3 weeks and that all of my thoughts & emotions are coloured by lack of sleep (mind you, we did get 4 hours straight last night!), raging horomones and not least of all a slight idenity crisis but this new role is the hardest thing I have ever done. Really. Becoming a mom is not a project, it's a life change.

So what makes it so hard? It's not the tasks themselves...breast feeding, changing diapers & onesies, doing laundry, cuddling baby are all relatively easy things to do. It's hard because it's so unpredictable. For example, you change one diaper, he pees all over himself while you're doing that and now you've got to change the onesie...you run upstairs with the naked little dude, get him into a clean, dry onesie and whoops, now he's puked all over the new one. You get that one changed and guess what, now he needs to be fed...out comes the boob for 20 or 30 minutes, change the diaper again, pray that when he spits up that he misses himself and gets it on the burpy towel...nope he's puked all over you, now you have to get changed...you get the picture.

I now understand why it takes parents 2 hours to get ready to go out for 2 hour excursion! You know, this is not 'hard' at all. It's simply exhausting - you are not in control, your time is no longer yours, you are at the complete mercy of the little dude. For me, a true type 'A' personality it's the lack of control that is hard.

Don't get me wrong, I am totally in love with the little dude. I am however looking forward to the days when he is more than just a breast suckling, diaper dirtying, sleeping, crying machine - there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Christopher is 3 weeks old tomorrow. That means that we're half way through the roughest of the adjustment period...my reward? Christopher is starting focus on my face when he looks at me & he is often smiling when he does look at me, that just melts my heart.

Light at The End of The Tunnel?

It's been 3 nights now that mr night time / fussy time has actually slept somewhat decently; solid 2 to 3 hour stretches, last night he even did this in his bassinet. Ahh...I take solace in the smallest victories!

Thanks to those of you who offered words of wisdom and encouragement. Just knowing that virtually every parent - specifically new mom, out there has been through this same (more or less) experience really made a difference for me. Taking a 3 hour nap after dinner while Christopher gets in some quality daddy time has also made a world of difference too!

We'll see what today brings.

How Little Sleep Can You Function On?

Sleep. A commodity that is in high demand & little supply around this house these days.

The thought of 8 hours of sound, uninterrupted sleep consumes me; really it's all I think about. How can I get more sleep?

One solution we've come up with is to have Christopher sleep with me, generally on the boob at first and then just snuggled up to me. I am sure that he is getting a great sleep! Me, not so much.

Yes, I am no longer getting up 4 or 5 times a night. I am actually dosing off and on for a straight 5 or 6 hours but it's not that good quality, deep sleep that my body is craving! It also means that Michael has moved to the extra bedroom...lucky guy. Eight hours, uninterrupted in a cool & dark room. The other hurdle is that I am terrified that I might roll over on Christopher or pull the duvet up too high and smother the poor little guy!

For now, I am functioning on perhaps 3 or 4 hours of sleep a day. We'll see how long that will last for. Hopefully the little guy will start to sleep in his own bassinet soon - we'll try another little trick tonight. To get him down for a nap today, I warmed his blanket in the dryer! Seems to have worked like a charm!

Fingers crossed.

False Impressions?

I may have given off a false impression of how it's going here at Parker Street with the newest addition. Yes, Christopher was a dreamy baby for the first few days - jaundice will do that. It causes baby to sleep more, fuss less and generally be very 'easy' to take care of.

Well, I am happy to say that Christopher no longer looks like he's got a cheap fake tan!

His skin is beautiful, his disposition is much more what you would expect - fussy, unpredictable and totally demanding.

Earlier today the thought that went through my head was 'no one told me it was going to be this hard'...it's not actually difficult 'work' but it is EXHAUSTING in a manner that is indescribable.

First off consider this, you have been charged with caring for a little being who is totally helpless, you do not speak the same language & chances are that mom is the only one who can console baby - the boob is the international language of love for a baby, I am sure.

Now, add to the mix a completely disorganized system. No schedules, no interpreters, no guidebooks for your specific baby, zero sleep, hormonal rushes coursing through your system & bang - a recipe for disaster!

I'm going to go sleep it off for a bit and see what solutions I come up with in my dreams...this is the first time in over 12 hours that Christopher has fallen asleep, not on the boob.

What Have We Done?

Okay, I admit it. The last two days have been rough, really rough.

No sleep for mommy (or at least nothing meaningful), broken sleep for daddy and increasing fussiness from Christopher. There is nothing like an inconsolable newborn to make you:

1. feel completely inadequate

2. wonder what the hell you've done to your once peaceful & fulfilling lifestyle

3. become totally irrational over the smallest things

4. contemplate running away from it all and becoming a complete recluse in the Thai mountains...

Of course, all of this will pass.

I already learned that everything changes at the drop of a hat with the little guy.

My solution? I'm just going to slow-down a titch & stop trying to be superwoman.

It has only been a mere 12 days, we're all still adjusting!

If anyone out there has any coping strategies that worked well for them please feel free to pass them along! I'm interested in any advice you might have!

Off to take a short nap before the hungry little guy wakens again.

The Little Guy

Several of you have been asking me for an update on Christopher, so this post is just for him!

Overall, Christopher is a rock star. He is in fact a fairly 'easy' newborn...it's all relative mind you. I am very thankful that he is at this point not colicky or extremely fussy. Yesterday and this morning could have sent me over an edge if he was like that ever day, all day! Let's just say that I left Christopher for some good quality daddy time this afternoon & gave my self an two hour 'mental health' break!

Back to Christopher.

He's no longer jaundiced and is almost back to his birth weight. Apparently this is how we tell just about everything about his health at this point - is he gaining weight and how many diapers / what's in those diapers are the two most important questions right now! Let me assure you, the diaper department is doing just fine.

Well, it's feeding time & good news! Christopher has woken up on his own for this one...another good health sign.

It All Looks Different Now

One of the effects of having a child is that you start to see everything through different eyes. It's as though someone switched my goggles but didn't tell me that I had a new pair.

For those of you who know me well, you already know how detailed and critical I could be. Seriously, at work I was known for spotting the smallest details that weren't nailed. It drove people crazy (we can talk about that another time). Now imagine that character trait on speed. Fine for protecting said progeny, not so good for calming a new parent's mind!

We went for a walk yesterday, nothing big, just an easy stroll down to Commercial Drive and back. I now know where every marked crosswalk is, each rundown house, all the locations where people hang & openly smoke pot, each suspicious character wandering around; every single detail between here and the Drive is now thoroughly etched into my mind. We've lived in this area for 14 years, so it's not that I am not aware of the pro's and con's to the neighborhood - it's just that now it's all being filtered differently. My perception of things has changed.

I think it will be interesting to see how this new outlook colours my thoughts and most importantly, my decision making over the next year.

What I Have Learned So Far

In no particular order...

- Everything I need to survive an all nighter fits into one serving tray

- Baby poo DOES smell; someone told me that breast fed babies produce odourless poo - hahaha!

- I can sleep anywhere, anytime with just about anything going on - including the house alarm ringing

- If you remove a diaper from a baby boy, cover up the goods right away or you will be sprayed

- My husband is a really, really great cook - I'm talking gourmet every night since we've been home!

- A retail career is in fact the BEST training out there for mommydom - high stress, endless hours without sleep, on your feet all day & night, multi-tasking, goal oriented, patience and if you can get a system going no matter what the curve ball is, you can handle it!

- Baby will always poo immediately following a diaper change; he will also spit up after you remove burpy cloth or bib

- I can give myself a manicure in 10 mins or less

- If you don't like what's going on today, don't worry, baby will change it up tomorrow - just to keep you on your toes.

- One can only sit down for so long without going crazy

- Laundry is really a four letter word

- Babies make a lot of noise when they sleep...and it doesn't always mean that they are waking up, choking, needing a feed or a diaper change - they're just dreaming

- Thumb sucking can be a good thing

- Bodily fluids are in fact very important and require serious discussion on a regular basis

- Baby does not like garlic

- Chicken is in fact quite yummy - yes, I said chicken...as long as it's a free range, organic & raised humanly...I'm back on chicken after 18 or so years of not eating it!

Birth Story - Warning may contain TMI for some but what the hell!

We've been home from the hospital since Tuesday afternoon & already I have so very much that I want to share - my brain has a million thoughts and emotions right now, it's hard to keep them all orgainzed! I'm going to start with the 'birth story' and see where it leads us. This is a long post; it's going to be my only record of the experience. I won't be offended if you don't read the whole thing!

Fact - walking, lifting and general exercise can bring on labour. Looking back at it now, I am convinced that the combination of my last 'nesting' project (in particular, moving the free weights, all 10 of them upstairs), the amount of walking I did on Friday, Jan 29 & the visit to my OB (during which she checked my cervix) started my labour.

Fact - contractions often (as in usually) begin befor the waters break, leaving many women, including me, to wonder 'hmmm, are these contractions or am I just feeling a little crampy today?'

So...not really knowing what was happening I spent all night Friday on the extra sofa timing my "cramps", length and time in between - thus the earlier post at 3:30am! When the cramps became freakishly regular, spaced very close together AND began to last longer than a few seconds, I woke up Michael and called the hospital.

We arrived at BC Womens Hospital at 7:30am or so on Saturday, Jan 30...This is when things really got going - again because insisted on walking rather than get wheeled up to birth rooms! I have now been in stage 1 labour for about 12 hours, not uncommon for first time moms and totally bearable.

The doctor suggested that he break my water to get things moving (or they might just send me home!)...um, NOT going home & yep, once he did this 'things' moved much more quickly and suddenly I was having 2 to 3 contractions every 10mins and got about 6 or 7cm dilated and feeling quite a different level of PAIN; nothing I read or heard from others prepared me for that!To make this part of my story short, I'll say this...things stalled at 7cm dilated...at 7pm...still Jan 30.

At shift change, my new nurse (who BTW was amazing, he was all business but had a great demeanour!) suggested that I get in the tub; um, HEAVEN! Labouring in a bath of toasty warm water took the edge off the pain and made my whole body feel totally relaxed...

Have I mentioned yet that I opted for NO pain meds, none...the entire delivery.

At any rate the toasty bath worked like a charm & I entered stage two (pushing) labour at about 8pm...this part of labour is a real bitch. The pain is unbelieveable. The whole 'pushing' thing is not what you expect - where to direct the pressure, the focus on what's going on between your legs - I will never again be overly body conscious; let's be honest, once you've had a dozen or so folks staring at your vagina for hours, monitoring your bodily fluids and generally observing you at your most vulnerable who cares!

I want to say that Michael was a trooper through the whole thing. I appear to be dying from the pain, he can't do anything to help me but having him there to scream with me, grip my hands with more force than you can imagine and help me remember to breathe was exactly what I needed.

Back to labour - I pushed for 3hrs, no pain meds and the little bugger (baby that is) was just not going to make an appearance. We stared at the tip of his head, slid forward & then rock back inside - a real stubborn little guy! We decided to help things along with a little oxycotin. This should have increased my contractions but it didn't and now things are getting serious because our ray of sunshine is no longer recovering from the contractions, meaning that it's taking a long time for his heart rate to come back up. Enter, the doctor and a little thing called a "vacuum"...it's essentially a small hand pumped, suction cup that is placed on the crown of the baby's head; this give the doctor leverage to literally pull the baby out, with me still pushing with every contraction. The only issue with this procedure is that it hurts like bloody hell! You want to talk about a 'ring of fire', I am now an expert on that topic.

Unfortunately for me I still could not get Christopher out...stubborn, stubborn, stubborn! The doctor made a decision to perform an episiotomy to open me up further - in English, he cut the tissues around the vaginal opening - it's called the perineum and I want to remind you - NO PAIN meds.

Suffice to say, this was all that was needed and with the next 2 contractions Christopher slid into the world with barley a scream (which scared the living hell out of me) - totally relaxed and ready to breastfeed, he went immediately onto the boob (I litterally mean that he squirmed his way, on his own, to my breast, with no direction or assistance from me) & I immediately began to cry & laugh all at the same time - the emotion of giving birth cannot be explained, it can only be experienced.

That's it, that's the birth of Christopher Paul William Bajada & in my very biased opinion he's the most beautiful baby I've ever seen and is perfect in every way.

Totally in Love & Completely Sleepless!

This will be a quickie - Christopher is asleep and that means nap time for mommy too!

Yes - he arrived shortly (relatively speaking!) after my last post. He's perfect in every way, feeding like a true boobie-man & simply scrumptious.

More later this week...